Patterns Vs Cycles - know when it's time to move on.
I love to sing. When nobody is around, my inner performer, who has enough courage and confidence to go on a world tour, comes out. She can sing any genre, dance any dance, with a projection loud enough to reach the back of an auditorium. Majority of people have no idea that I can bring down the house, unless you’ve caught a glimpse of a video in which I was courageous enough to post. When in the presence of too much carbon dioxide from another’s breath, I hide my head in the ground like an ostrich. I have always imagined surprising a significant other at a special event or just recording a song for my own personal use. After many failed attempts at auditioning for school plays and talent shows, I just realized my fear wasn’t something I’d ever overcome. I, literally, would start and then walk off stage saying out loud into the mic, “I can’t do this”. I even considered singing lessons to help build my confidence so that one day I might get over my fear. I believe there is definitely a potential for me to gain comfortability and be able to sing in-front of people, but my record of incomplete attempts is a pattern that may speak otherwise. If I’ve learned anything by managing people, I’ve learned it’s important to remove emotions from a situation so that you can analyze the facts when decision making. So often do we find ourselves involved with individuals who we have emotional ties with and over look the red flags that are being shown to us. Not all red flags are deal breakers, at first, but some are detrimental and definitely should be evaluated when looking at the overall picture. I’m a firm believer that when you begin any sort of relationship, romantic or not, there is a period of learning, a period of moving out of the old habits of singleness, a period of unintentional mistakes. This is the time, if communication is open, when we discover through trial and error, the dynamics or standards, that will be foundational moving forward. If you choose not to acknowledge the things that don’t please you now, you will only find dissatisfaction later on down the road and prob find it to be more difficult, or have resistance, reshaping the habits that are now formed. I see two types of mistakes: a localized incident and/or a pattern or cycle. Why is this significant? A localized incident is typically something that lacks occurrence. A person who has made a mistake of this kind will show effort or acknowledgement so that it doesn’t happen again. Where as a cycle or pattern shows that this is more of a habitual offense and based on the circumstances of the incident, may or may not be something that the counterpart can accept. Guess what. We don’t have to accept anything that disturbs our peace and doesn’t serve us. Why does any of this matter? As someone who has spent too much time rationalizing people’s behaviors, I found that the best way to discern a potential problem was by evaluating whether or not the issue was going to be sticking around for the long haul. If the gap in the road is only going to grow bigger and bigger I’d prefer to take a different route. We can’t continue to over see failures because it feels good at the moment. Sad part is we see a trend of broken people looking for new partners that possess lower expectations or standards instead of trying to correct our flaws. Nothing wrong with not being perfect, I definitely am not, but there’s everything wrong with not accepting when we need to change. I may never karaoke, sing a solo, or serenade my future husband at our wedding. At the end of the day I can find a hundred other ways to entertain people through silly videos and my writing. I’m not breaking any album records but I’m also not breaking any deals.