• PonyTales

Sober mind & clear heart

How does one extract itself from a place they continue to find themselves trapped in? A room without windows or doors and the only thing to get you out is your mind. I’ve been seeking, and after rolling over and simply giving God a small dose of gratitude for waking up, I talked myself into the answer during my drive to the gym. I’ve been trying to explain my current isolation as a way to protect my energy from others taking it from me only to discover that the reason I was having such a hard time explaining myself is that that wasn’t the truth at all. In our lives, we find ways to cope with our daily living to such extremes that we don’t even notice the habits we develop. How many times will I take a pill to help myself sleep at night? Or a drink to help myself relax? Flirt with someone to trigger some endorphins? The truth is every single decision we make has some sort of pleasure feeling response creating an addiction. I realized it wasn’t me I was keeping away, but I needed a severe detox so that my body could go back to functioning on its own. I began a fast. When we cleanse the body, it no longer can rely on exterior sources and must utilize its materials to produce energy. It must depend entirely on its mechanisms to function properly. As a society, we have sought out the acceptance and comfort of those around us to live productively and happy and, in the process, lose the ability to stand on our own. To be frank with you, I don’t trust my discernment enough to be near anything that could influence me at the time, in this headspace. I need to evaluate differently so that I step differently. Amid this transition, I don’t want to allow any outside influences to deter my progress. When there’s nobody to trust, knowing you don’t trust your reasoning is a harsh truth to face. As self-reflection is a pleasurable pain I indulge in, I’m thrilled to have a breakthrough and direction. I cried as this became a revelation. I saw that my one moment of gratitude allowed me to accept the message I’ve been searching for weeks now. I have to flush out all the vices to find the clarity needed to move myself to the next level of who Kandice is. I think this is something we all need to stop for a moment and evaluate. The journey begins with a sober mind a clear heart.

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