• PonyTales

Take me as I am

He called me a slut as we stood up against the bar. I had begun to dance in front of him, and his face gave away a look of disgust. He had been drinking, and there was a man who was seated behind me that I supposedly was trying to dance on. Yet when I turned around, we were a stool apart, and I didn’t even know the man was there. The shaming was common—words used against me by someone who “loved” me.

I had to regulate the things I put on social media, although he followed and admired many women. He would rave about the fitness chicks that wrote motivational quotes and seemed “cool,” yet at the cease of our relationship, I was accused of being thirsty and in need of false affirmations for doing the very same things.

Nothing is worst than knowing your rights but feeling trapped in your head over the mental abuse of someone else’s insecurities. I can’t imagine how many women are suppressed by the men who “care so much” about them. Yes, it was my choice to abide by the guidelines of what he deemed appropriate; the attacks and derogatory words weren’t my faults. Our responsibility is to get away from the treatment, and that’s what I did.

I’m a grown woman, and I set my standards. I consciously choose what I post like most people to leave the image they want to be portrayed. I may be edgier on Instagram and a bit more reserved on Facebook, but at the end of the day, I choose the limits on what I want exposed and what I choose to be covered.

Lately, I’ve heard how I’ve gotten a bit riskier. The thought that proceeds are the idea that it’s because I’m “single.” The truth is that I’ve been empowered.

I post, he “loves” it. I post, he shares. He gave freedom to my desired expressions. He accepted my sexuality and charisma. There is no shaming or jealousy. If a man can’t stand proud behind the beauty of his woman, then he doesn’t deserve her. I convey a lot of my writing through imagery that comes in different levels of tonality. Where I have to be mindful of my audience, I can anticipate him always showing love.

Love is not having to pretend or apologize for who you are. Love is not to be made to feel bad about the body you live in. Love is respect and trust. Always stay true to who you are, and you will attract what suits your soul.