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When God gives us what we NEED vs what we WANT

It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve fallen asleep on the couch. I hear a clicking sound and it’s my electricity shutting off. I wake up in a panic, anxiety driven, and for a moment I second guess if I paid my electric bill. There was a power outage but the electricity was still running through my mind, and there was no off switch. It was Summer time, slowest season of the year and my father had spotted me a few times to help. I was on my own, single mom of two kids and self employed. By 4 a.m. I was applying for jobs. When I started my journey into the hair industry I was not equipped with the knowledge I needed to be successful. I did not know the hustle, proper business building skills nor the technical abilities to excel...so I failed. Determined to make it in this life as a stylist, I took several avenues to insure it would happen. Most of the routes hindered building a clientele by relocating or taking on roles that consumed my time. I had one failed attempt at joining the army, spent a year in school for a different field which I had no experience in, and a few cosmo related positions that made my availability limited. I had solved my income problem, working a full time job while taking clients on the side, but then I created a dynamic at home that also resulted with the phrase, “mommy has a client”. Landing the positions that I did (cosmetology educator, beauty school floor manager, and salon manager at Ulta) revamped me as a stylist. Made me well rounded. Gave me the ability to be technically strong by having a thorough understanding of hair, to teach, lead, and coach other stylist to be successful while acquiring knowledge of operational processes to manage a salon from the business stand point. I was a triple threat but yet I still didn’t feel accomplished. When my daughter was two I started to do hair at my clients homes to make up for the fact I was going to school full time and the salon I was working at had restructured their pay scale. It was the only way to pay my bills. That began a seven year reign of working two jobs, six days a week for what averaged 20 hour days. In addition, I had a four bedroom home that I took care of, two kids, a mother n law who had Dementia that I over saw. I called my residence an insane asylum. Let me set the scene...after getting up at five, dropping off the kids, working my 9-5, picking them up and returning home to a client awaiting my door step. Sometimes I peed sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I changed sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes my kids ate a cooked home meal and sometimes they didn’t. While I worked my toddler pulled out towels and capes, disorganized my strategically placed hair color and products, while climbing in the laps of my clients. My seven year old who is so dependent if breathing wasn’t voluntary we would have a big issue demanding my attention to play board games and spend time together. When it finally happened and I crossed the path to quit and stay home full time working behind the chair I began to attend every field trip, school function, and took off when the kids were out of school. They didn’t stay at aftercare till closing and had time at home before bed. Dinner was cooked and I was finding what I thought was the reaping of a very long season. I was wrong. My mother n law fell ill and came to live with my ex husband and I. She had dementia. She couldn’t be left alone and my availability became a burden placed upon me. With an out of control two year old, I couldn’t go anywhere. So, I did what I always did, I worked. If I was a prisoner of my home, I was going to make money. When I finally had enough I left, got divorced, and found being out in the world alone would defeat me. My son was three and couldn’t be brought to a salon that disturbed those around me. I suffered financially. Once again left to detour into a role that brought back income. My ex was excelling. Acquiring all his dreams and reaching the status and platforms he always desired. I was angry. Why did God not see I deserved a better harvest? That I was worth more. I had no support to progress professionally. Nobody sat back and said that they’d do whatever it took for ME to be something. Eight years! Found myself living with my father, broke, and once again at a wall. I left my marriage for peace, balance, and harmony. Found myself a place. Moved into a salon from working from home. Three months later discovered I couldn’t afford paying all the bills alone and salon rent. That’s when I woke up to my a/c clicking off and realized once again I was left to face the inevitable: time to get a job or one last attempt and move the salon back into my home...into my apartment...into my dining room of a 1100 sq foot place. I was embarrassed. I felt at this point in my journey I should’ve been more established and yet I had reverted even further back. Working from home came with a sense of peace. It was where my comfort was. As soon as I came back home my business sky rocketed. Almost as the atmosphere of the salon killed the energy around me and returning to my own space invited prosperity. See, God saw what I asked for. He gave it to me. I don’t worry where my kids are, they’re home with me. In my own space where I control the culture. I thought I needed a materialistic form of success. What I needed was to be happy away from a life I hated, a work life balance to meet my kids needs and in a safe place. Even more, he provided financially. April 19 will be one year I’ve been in my own place with my kids, self employed and the lights are still on. May be one of the biggest accomplishments I’ve ever achieved. I couldn’t be more proud. I thank my parents for always backing me up when I needed help. Never judged me or tried to influence me to stop trying. My dad always told me he knew I’d figure it out. Sometimes the harvest we seek isn’t what we need, he had a plan. Never give up. (He is eating chocolate pudding)


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